Wet Hot Minneapolis Summer
by D. Sykes
Minnesotans appreciate the summer more than most people on the planet. Each year we suffer through seven to nine months of horrid desolation, snow emergencies, and sliding on ice all the way to the liquor store every night. When the warm months finally roll around, we feel a primal and powerful urge to have as much fun as humanly possible. However, since we’re so adept at complaining, we’re pretty bad at actually enjoying ourselves.
So here’s a quick guide to making the most of your passive-aggressive Twin Cities’ summer, the way we know best: riddled with underlying and often hypocritical criticism.
5.) Build a bike, ride it everywhere, become a superhero and save the world
Scientific studies show that if only 3.3 million people were to completely forego the use of automobiles and ride bikes instead, unicorns would fly out of Mount Vesuvius and fart out ozone-layer-repairing nanobots so fast you won’t even be able to listen to an early Crass EP before trees start growing up through the abandoned streets.